The WANDERER

Its an indoor saturday morning.......havent seen a saturday morning in some time! Its really kinda wierd that you wake up on certain days with a panic attack , like there some kind of a constriction between your lungs and the pharynx...... like someone is pressing harder as you try breathing harder, like they get some kind of a cheap thrill doing it. It settles down after some time knowing that the world around you is perfectly normal and for some strange reason you are left wondering what IS up with this guilt trip. This feeling is infectious.....its tailor made rather well to keep analysing your immediate past and the things that you have screwd up doing.
Karma can be a bitch......how much ever might be the magnitude of "non belief". I dont want to get into the fundamentals of what the point of our existance is...... at a raw level it depresses you and tells you how much lower you are at the solitary ladder of "rat racing".

I switch the television on...... NEWS is more "bad" news and "crap" news than anything else........i mean who wants to hear about what the great KHALI is upto? Media has become such an attention whore......it is pitiful.
So i am wondering.why this stupid feeling of quandry, this "onus" keeps getting heavier......its almost significant. After trying really hard to keep away from analysis I give in. Well if you do not have an I.Q of a fruitfly you will understand how "demanding" on the human brain analysis can be. Pour in just a bit......not too much just a lil bit of imagination, almost as much as the amount of ajinomoto you put in your rice to make the taste tend towards "chinese"...... a little amount makes a big difference isnt it? So this is where this "trip" reaches a new level with this infectious kid on the block.
Its almost like an acid trip........hallucinations, confessions , your remotest obsessions that make you feel disgusted......you dont want to look at your face in the mirror. You fight it, harder like it is going to determine your life and just when the feeling starts to fade away...... in comes the "hangover". Now you are caught prevaricating ...convincing yourself...... this phase will go.
Indignance creeps in and you dont want to think any more . This feeling which was in the chest area now "shifts" to the stomach and you realize it is also taking its toll on you physically.

You need help!

Who do you run to? Mommy of course ..... possibly the only unconditional love you will get in your life as she gives you a tablet. In mom you trust........ you pop it in and 15 mins later the feeling magically disappears and you are amazed.
As mommy walks in saying ....." you shoudnt have eaten so many of those fries yesterday, you have developed gas in your stomach" .

Life goes on tararyatatatuararara.